From the time I was born until I was nine, I spent my life on a farm of sorts in southeast Texas, a place that will always have a softness in my heart. (I still consider myself a Texan.) We owned two horses, a Paint and a Palomino, two goats, three dogs, and a manifold of cats. Plump, succulent blackberries  – my favorite  – grew in the woods behind our house and in our pasture in late spring, which in turn were gathered by the handful, sweet juice running down my chin.

(photo credit goes to my neighbor, zoe)

Every Saturday we had some friends over, friends who always brought donuts, and we rode our horses in the warm sun. I remember loping diagonally across the pasture, the wind whipping my hair, and feeling so free.

Most days I would first study my dad working on the computer at his desk, then sit at my little desk with my old computer and make Excel spreadsheets. (I was in love with all things office-y. I know.)

(me, age three or four)

Like any six year old, I wanted so badly to grow up. I'd look at the fifth graders at my school in awe, wishing that I could be as big as them. I remember having a medieval party for my eighth birthday and feeling oh so grown up in my gown that my mother sewed me.

When I think back on my days growing up in Texas, I'm filled with happiness and a tinge of nostalgia. Memories are evoked, laced with building forts comprised of blankets, going to Joe's Barber Shop, complete with striped barber pole, for my father's haircuts, and waving goodbye to my mother in the cool dampness of the morning as she drove off to work.
Like most, these memories are conjured by the strangest things, such as the whiff of chlorinated pool water, the sound of country music, and the salty taste of tortilla chips and ketchup.

(photo credit goes to my neighbor, zoe)

When I think of those memories, I can't help but wish I were six again. Back to the carefree days of playing store, back to eating powder sugar donuts on the deck, back to swinging in the hammock outside, reading the hours away.

And then I think of MeMe and Lilly. Much like myself at their age, they're so eager to become older, to live their lives. While I most certainly can relate, I just want to squeeze them and softly whisper in their ears "never grow up". I want tell them to keep their sweet, simple innocence, their little-girl outlook on life and not to rush into life so quickly. I want to tell them to embrace this carefree time of their childhood. I want to tell them to never grow up.



-carlotta