I started a new job last week. It was one of those quit-your-retail-job-on-Saturday-apply-for-another-job-on-a-whim-on-Tuesday-get-hired-on-Wednesday kind of things: unexpected, but not unwelcome. I'm working at a small farm-to-table restaurant downtown now and it's already a million times better than retail work. The second night on the job, the owner of the restaurant came in to talk with me. He told me that the most important part of my job is simply to be happy. "People love happy people," he said. "I love happy people!" Cool. I can handle that. I like happy people too.
But then there's that little fly in the ointment, the little smudge in the paint: even the happiest people aren't happy all the time. And that's okay! To be expected, even! We are not supposed to be happy all the time. 2nd Timothy says that, "everyone who wants to live a godly life will be persecuted," in some way or another. However, we can pick ourselves up, give our worries to God, and choose to be happy despite the stress of life.
Still, it can feel an awful lot like a mask sometimes, a happy-mask that we put on for others--for our jobs and friends and family and strangers on the street--because it's easier than admitting to feeling down. It feels false and phony and stupid and just blah. 
People ask me a lot how I'm so happy all the time. Well, the truth is, I'm not happy all the time. I'm sick of being nervous all the time, sick of having plans fall through, sick of wanting to be anywhere but in this little-big town in Oklahoma, sick of all those little stupid things that pile up until you feel suffocated. And okay, now this is starting to sound like a sappy inspirational book from the Christian aisle at the dollar store...but with God's help, I pick myself up, again and again. As many times as it takes. Until I can find the goodness again.

Okay I'm going to stop it with the deep talk now and continue my things to be happy list again. Cause it's been way too long. And cause someone asked me recently if I'd ever start them up again (shout out to an anonymous-tumblr-asker!).



happy thing number one Thunderstorms are the best when accompanied by iced coffee, rice pudding (why does everyone hate on rice pudding anyway? it's delicious cold with some cinnamon and sugar!), and the comfiest pants you ever did meet. We've had a storm nearly every day lately and it's strange compared to the 110+ degree heat we're used to in the summer, but I'm not complaining, no, not one little bit!



happy thing number two I've been having a Moment with bruschetta lately. Moment is, of course, capitalized because that's the sort of thing bruschetta does to you. Toasted bread smeared with garlic and butter, then topped with tomatoes, fresh mozzarella, basil, and a drizzle of vinaigrette. Mmm, mmm, come to mama.



happy thing number three Having old friends come over for the weekend and filling the days with leisurely breakfasts and chats late in the night, with a bit of sightseeing here and there. My mom pulled out some old pictures from Texas and it made me very happy.
(top: my mom circa 1998, bottom: me circa the same time)

happy thing number four The promise of lake parties and camping this weekend, the last hurrah of summer. This summer has been not at all what I expected, and I feel like I've barely gotten the chance to do any of the things I wanted to, but ah, c'est la vie.



happy thing number five Farmer's markets on pretty Saturdays. Just because.

Peace out, homies.

top: thrifted // jeans: american eagle // shoes: thrifted // suspenders: my dad's // butterfly hair pin: anthropologie // bracelets: miscellaneous

As of Monday, I am an official working woman.

I've always considered myself a person that loves change, but talking is easier than doing. When it comes to actually going through with those big changes, I get terribly scared to leave my familiar comfort zone. But on Monday, I was hired at my local Gap as a sales associate, following an interview that made my insides turn to mush due to nervousness. I was scared that I wouldn't get accepted; scared that my life would change too drastically; scared about a new environment; scared about everything.

I survived, though! I start training sometime next week and then have to learn how to balance yet another thing on my plate. But don't get me wrong, I feel so blessed to call this crazy life my life. And I'm excited to get working! I can't wait to get out there and learn new things and meet new people, despite that (big) part of me that's scared and not ready to grown up. I've been living by faith and Philippians 4:13: "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength."

A few more things to add to my happy list...

wearing suspenders (yay for dads with good fashion sense) | leaves that fall with every gust of wind and curl up at the edges | morning tea rituals | playing "I Knew You Were Trouble" by Taylor Swift on repeat (I probably should be more ashamed than I actually am) | and speaking of Taylor Swift, this adorably awkward video using Taylor's lyrics as pickup lines | saturday morning bike rides to the farmer's market | an autograph from James Vincent McMorrow to me, curteousy of the amazing Abbey (yes I know!!!) | that pleasantly heavy, warm feeling of an extra quilt on the bed | exciting new jobs

What are some things that are making you smile lately?

top: thrifted | shorts: cut offs, originally old navy | tights: target | shoes: target | belt: thrifted

We've been having the kind of weather that makes you happy to be alive. The mornings are crisp enough to warrant a sweatshirt and the afternoon melts into a sunshine-y haze of warmth and you want to spend every waking minute outside. Lately, I've been taking lots of walks around the neighborhood to take advantage of the weather (above photos taken on said walks) and it's making me miss Europe. I miss how walking and bicycling is the main transportation, unlike way-too-car-oriented-America. It's hard to walk or bike anyway here without people giving you pitying glances, like "Oh, she doesn't have a car! Or she must be having car trouble! So terrible!" Regardless, I've been making an effort to greet people that I pass when walking. It's not that I try to be arrogant, but sometimes I get lost in my own little world and avoid meeting the eye of the man working in his yard as I walk past to avoid awkwardness. Instead, I've been trying hard to wave a little and be the first to say a friendly hello. You'd be amazed at how much better it makes you feel when you acknowledge you're not the only person on the planet.
In honor of this, I say we start a revolution. Start walking or bicycling more, even if it's just around your neighborhood, to remind both yourself and others that a car is not the only way to get around. Be the first to say hi. Keep a smile on your face. Let's bring back the yesteryears.

Things to be happy about, edition nine:

walks around the neighborhood and walking in general | eating pickles straight from the jar with my brother while sitting on a bench (long story) | tights, especially polka dot ones, with shorts | an organized desk and organized notes | the fact that I have a future to plan for | curtains that catch on a breeze | dreaming in german | september in general

What are some things you're happy about?

I don't have many words today. The days have been full and seem to be ending quicker than I can fully grasp them (hello, tomorrow is August...when did that happen?!), but I'm thankful anyway. I'm trying to turn off my brain, stop over-thinking everything (a near impossible feat), and live in present--sometimes I try to capture the moment too, but more and more, accurately preserving all it seems too overwhelming a task. I've turned to writing in my journal more these days, trying to capture the feelings properly. It will be good to have when I'm back at home and today has again turned into yesterday.

A few photos and some more things to be happy about:

top: thrifted || shorts: american eagle || shoes: thrifted || necklace: c/o the poppy chain || belt: thrifted || bracelets: assorted

the milky clouds of cream in tea not quite mixed || slate skies and dark green ivy || the smell of a tomato plant || the sound of splashing water || sunlight on white walls and wooden floors || people watching in a crowded city || coral shorts || sitting on the balcony and watching a storm roll in || lazy sunday afternoons || the foam that clings to your upper lip from the first sip of cappuccino || a life that sizzles and pops

Happy Tuesday!